Looks like someone has a case of the Mondays.

I won’t lie, it was a very long weekend and what we were hoping was going to be glorious, spontaneous and exciting ended up being slightly painful at times. I’ll post some pictures later, but apparently our timing was off.  Phoebe had a cold, which made her cranky and tired and Enzo… Enzo was being the epitome of a 2 year old.  Not listening at all, being incredibly sassy and overly crazy, and had one of those fun embarrassing meltdowns in front of dozens of other parents and well-behaved children. Needless to say, Monday morning couldn’t come soon enough.  Also, taking antihistamines always makes me feel groggy anyway, but for some reason I’ve been randomly breaking out in hives for a couple of weeks.  My doctor said to try antihistamines for a week and to wait and see if whatever it is will work it’s way out of my system, but apparently it’s time for an allergist.  Woohoo!

Hard to believe those baby blues could ever be anything but charming, right?  HA!  I’m sure it’s just the age, and something we’ll get through.  He really can be sweet and charming when he wants to be, but he can also be so incredibly stubborn at times.  The second mattress cover arrived, so we’ll be taking away pull ups at bedtime, and I’m sure he’ll rebel in the beginning as he’s been rebelling every morning when we say it’s time to change into undies again.

 

I get it, I’m sure it’s a control thing and right now while we think we’re giving him some control in being able to go potty by himself, he’s probably viewing it as something we’re forcing him to do.  Never mind the treats and stickers and prizes he’s earned for potty victories… nope.  This morning he said he didn’t want any of them, but we’ve made it this far, so there’s no way we’re going back to diapers. I really think it’s just a matter of being inconvenienced by having to stop playing for a few minutes that he doesn’t like.

 

Oh, these tricky toddlers.  They can make you want to pull out your hair one minute and then do something incredibly sweet the next.  This weekend wasn’t one of our finest parenting moments – we both lost our tempers more than once, especially after a certain someone slammed his sister’s fingers in a drawer after being told several times to stop playing with said drawers. Was there a full moon or something I wasn’t aware of because man alive, he’s never been this naughty before. Okay, vent/rant over.  Seriously, though… parenting is hard sometimes, and I’n not going to pretend it isn’t.

Be that as it may, he’s my little terror, and I wouldn’t trade him for the world.

Randomness and thoughts on self-sabotage

Much like this post, we are random sort of people.  It’s good that the kids fit in so well, although I imagine when they’re older they will look at us with confusion, but also that look that teenagers give their parents when their parents are being… parents.  They’ll roll their eyes and give us pitying looks, their poor ridiculous parents.  And then I’ll have to remind them that once they thought we were pretty cool.

I know, I know, this post has zero direction to it, much like our lives at times.  We have plans for the future, but in all honesty they’re a bit foggy.  We sometimes plan for the weekend, but more often than not, we just wait and see.  There is a lot of waiting and seeing. I like to think we’re living in the moment, but I’m not sure that’s exactly what it is.

Perhaps I should finally finish reading that books I picked up so long ago… Face the Fear and Do It Anyway.  Uncertainty scares me and rather than actually living in the moment, I kind of put a bubble around myself.  Rather than seeing endless possibilities as a great thing, I see it as a frightening prospect, even if I’m not entirely happy with how things are at the moment, in which case I should change things, but change can be unnerving.  It’s a really silly thing.

I think what I need to do is set realistic goals and not subconsciously sabotage them, which I’m really good at doing.  I couldn’t figure out why suddenly I was having trouble sticking to a budget, and ultimately, I’ve figured it out.  If we save and meet our goals then there will be no excuse but to jump into the unknown, however, if the money isn’t there and other things don’t work out then nothing will change, which isn’t better, but it’s comfortable because I know it and exactly what to expect.

So, no more excuses.  Time to actually set some dates on some goals and put forth real effort to make them happen.  Every time I see Enzo struggle with change, I am reminded of how hard I struggle with change, and I want to learn how to roll with it and show him how to do the same.  I have to be a strong role model in these kids’ lives, which means I need to step out of my comfort zone and become a stronger person.

Are you having more?

There are days when the kids are just so cute/hilarious/awesome that I try to convince Josh that we should have at least a dozen more.  Okay, that would be ridiculous, but how can we just stop at two when we make such cute babies?  It would be a tragedy to stop now!

Girl hormones will tell you crazy things and make you completely forget all of the sleepless nights, the pain of childbirth, the fact that your body is totally different then pre-children.  Admittedly we did go back and forth over having a third for a while… but ultimately have decided that two is a good number for a variety of reasons.

 

Let’s be honest, kids are expensive and having three kids in day care made us both cringe, and I don’t know that I’m the type to be a stay-at-home mom. Plus, we wouldn’t wait until Enzo was old enough to leave day care/pre-school because that would mean we’d be that much older and that would be a fairly big gap (to us) between Phoebe and a potential third baby.

We also thought about travel and the fact that right now while our cars don’t have a lot of space, at least we aren’t being forced to buy a bigger vehicle.  One day we will because we have lots of plans to go on road trips, and it would be nice to have extra seating, but for now I really like my car and would like to keep it for a while longer.

Ultimately, we looked at our ages, and while we aren’t old by any means, Josh will be 50 and I’ll be almost there when Enzo graduates from high school. We have plans to have a life once the kids graduate and go out on their own, and we want to still feel fairly young when that time comes.

Sure there are days when a little part of me taps on my shoulder and tries to convince me that we shouldn’t stop, that I’m not ready to stop, but this was always our dream… since before we were married. We talked about having a boy and then a girl, and that’s exactly how it worked out, so I’d say our family is complete. As Phoebe gets older and more independent, I treasure these lingering days where I still get to feed her a bottle and snuggle her before bed, but definitely get excited as she gets closer to being done with bottles entirely.

While I wanted to keep them babies for as long as possible, now I love watching these new toddler milestones happen as Enzo gets older. He has such a great imagination already and he also knows exactly how to break me – I can only resist the dimples and whispered “Please” so many times before I cave.  Yep, I’m ready to be the mama of a toddler and a preschooler – I’ll leave the babies to someone else.

Friday Funday!

Today is my favorite kind of fall day.  Driving to work it was overcast and the clouds had hints of not only grey, but bits of blue and gold.  That combined with falling leaves and muted Fall colors made the morning seem very dramatic. Perfect for curling up with a thrilling book… preferably in front of a window with a lakeside view – might as well go big since I’m imagining this entire scenario.

Rather than links, how about an awesome picture of Phoebe that wins?

Happy Friday!

 

Oh, Monday…

It’s been a stereotypical Monday that started out with sleeping through alarm clocks and a couple minor meltdowns, so I’ll be glad when it’s over.  We had a nice long weekend and a visit from my Dad and Stepmom, but sadly they went home yesterday. I think Enzo was disappointed that things were back to normal this morning and he did not want to go to preschool today.  He was upset when he couldn’t go see Miss Tammy (in the toddler room), and I’m sure not sleeping all that well didn’t help.

Hopefully by the time this afternoon rolls around, his day will have improved, and maybe tonight would be a good time to go to bed a little early… for everyone. Maybe it’s the weather making me want to hibernate.  It’s a crisp Fall day, the sun is shining, I can see a bald eagle flying out of my office window, and I really just want to snuggle up in a blanket with a good book and a hot cup of tea.  It’s feeling like a bit of an introspective day… maybe that is also just the time of year as we get closer and closer to 2014 coming to an end.

It’s only October, though, and really that’s plenty of time to still accomplish a few things and set some goals and get on track. I know for sure a few of the things I want to do, and now it’s up to me to make them happen.  Time to have a “nothing will stand in my way” attitude and to embrace the fear of the unknown.  All too often I just worry about everything, and I keep telling myself I need to acknowledge my worries, but also trust that things will be okay.  Even if they don’t actually work out, I have to at least try because you never know until you try, right?  It’s so easy to come up with excuses not to do things or to put something off, and eventually you either have to face the music, or you always wonder “what if.”

This post took a different turn than I meant for it to on a Monday morning.  Such is life, though. How about an unrelated picture of a baby?  I think I want to be more present and live in the moment… babies make it look so easy. 😉