Every once in a while there are those moments when I miss being responsible only for myself. Usually when a new movie comes out that I really want to see, or when after a long day at work I’d really just like to go to happy hour and not cook or clean or do anything. It’s funny thinking about how much our lives have changed in just a few years, and in some ways it seems like such a long time ago. I wonder what I’d be doing if we didn’t have kids, and while I’m sure I’d fill my time with things, it’s hard to imagine myself as someone who isn’t a mom now that I am one.
I’ve embraced being a mom, and I like it. Sure, my life is crazier, noisier, and messier than it once was, but I’m adjusting. Being a family isn’t always easy since we all have our “off” days, but the good days more than make it all worthwhile. I used to sleep in as late as I wanted to, but now I get to wake up to at least one happy, smiley face every morning. (Enzo and Josh are not always morning people). I used to read A LOT, and while I do still read every day, it’s just more of a Dr. Seuss and Sandra Boynton variety now. I used to have time to be bored, but now? I don’t even know what boredom is… there is always something to do, and if I’m getting cabin fever, chances are the kids are too. It’s amazing how fast an entire day can go by when you try to get your entire family out the door for just a few hours.
Josh and I may have had more time to ourselves and together before kids, but now I think we appreciate those quiet times and dates even more. I don’t really miss going out as often as one would think either. I don’t mind waiting for movies to leave the theater so we can rent them, plus, whenever we miss bedtime (which isn’t often) I feel like I’m just missing something terribly important when I don’t get my hugs and kisses before the kids are asleep.
While I sometimes miss my old self, I wouldn’t trade the new me for anything. Sometimes I look in the mirror and feel frumpy and too “mom-like” but I usually don’t have time to dwell on it for long… often because I have a toddler using my makeup brush to wipe down the sink or a baby bouncing in a jumper in the doorway who has clearly pooped. I don’t even mind that we’re having conversations about buying a minivan because it would be so much easier for road trips and to fit more people. It’s funny because sometimes I feel like I can’t possibly be in my thirties, and then there are days when I feel so much older and “kids” in their twenties seem so ridiculously young.
I’ll just have to hope our kids are okay with their rarely cool mom who is usually in the middle of some sort of identity crisis. I’ll do my best not to embarrass. 😉
Motherhood really is such a gift. Trying at times, I’m sure..but always a gift!